Tireless Machines: Mumbai Locals

        Locals, as they are called,is rechristened name of Mumbai Suburban Railway,carries more than 6.1 million commuters on a daily basis 

and constitutes more than half of the total daily passenger capacity of the Indian Railways itself. These machines houses World record passenger 

traffic density,!Finding yourself a foot space is not TOM-DICK n HARRY effort, and Mumbaikers

are professionals, for rookie like me it was nightmare to get on/off the train! If you don't know have the lesson, you can't make it!We got repeated theory classes from Goud*

There is one mantra- If you are in the herd, you are in the train next wink!else if wait for next train and repeat the acrobatics, else go home you get NFTM(Not Fit to Travel in Mumbai)!

We decided to take bull by horn, We followed the lessons,and we could make it into Locals(with all our clothes and gadgets) with bashes, blows and knocks on every part of body! 

I was lucky enough to find a space for my left foot leaving other orphaned, and same with all my body spares!It's statutory that In Locals @ a time you can use only one set of your body spares,

and leasing other spares to co-commuters for scratching their itch, holding their bag! Wagons of these Locals look no less than Hitlers gas chambers, only difference being Hitler expelled Hydrogen Cynide (a poisonous gas), 

and Locals' Passanger expelled  skatole, indole, and sulfurous compounds, and FYI those compounds constitutes leathal weapon 'The Fart'!

To My Goodness, I located some passangers reading newspapers, rather quarter folded newspapers in this jampacked journeyers! This is amazing! Idhar Time ka matlab hai paisa

Most of Mumbaikers live half of their life in Locals, and they also have found how to live that half better.Abba!! Finally i was thrown out by new set of

commuters @next station!To my surprise,i found more rejuvenated than before even after this gymnastic journey, but My friend Goud* had story to tell about this magical effect, He call it as 'FMS(Free Massage Service) Effect'.Million dollar Massage,as FMS has amazing features, Massage can last for any number of hours:As long as you are willing to be in Locals, you get all kind of massagers to massage your body, skinny, bony, machos, hairy...all you need to do is choose your set of masseurs

and stand between them!So why Cars? Use Locals, Save Petrol, Save Traffic, Save time!Find your Love, new boss, sometimes even pickpocketrs

May Locals bless you New Love, New Boss :)

*My Buddy, Born with silver spoon and responsibility to retain it! A fighter in formals

Black Friday: A Review

Author: Hussain Zaidi
Category: Non-Fiction
Black Friday, screened as Major Motion Picture, is a nice compilation of facts, A crime report happened to become book. Zaidi, A crime reporter has mastered art of story telling, which is often difficult with Real Stories! Book has out of womb after 5 years of extensive research by Zaidi! More interestingly, book is unbiased! Must read, for those who love non-fiction and wary about 93 Bombay Serial bomb blast! It’s story from Day 1. Is Babri Masjid Demolition justified?

Flyover Law
Traffic can neither be eliminated, nor be reduced
It can only be shifted from one place to another.
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Road Breaking Cermony
Every Development work In Banagalore, starts with Road breaking cermony.
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Early you leave home, Late you reach office
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Signals are made to jump
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Your vehicle breaks down, when GREEN is shown
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New Traffic Rule
Footpaths are encroached, Jaywalking is mandatory
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Slogan for the day
Bangalore is FULL, Go home.
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BDA(Bangalore Development Authority) New Objective
Every signal should have a bus stop


still to come...

06/06/06 - Devil is dead

Many Christians believed that 06/06/06(06, jun 2006) would be dooms day, may be another 9/11,may be birth of antichrist, may be new Roman empire will come up, may be rise of devils. According to Christian jargon it is "Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia"(Fear of the number 666)- Holy Bible Describes this number as Antichrist. But nothing turned true.In contradictory this magical day made my lungs feel better than before, my lungs celebrated freedom from fast track accumulation of tar, my trachea no more have to suffer collateral damage by heavy storm of CO, My nerves though addicted but in daemon they were happy that they will rather be a active than being tranquilized. My ambience looks more rejuvenated than before. Now Butts have no place under my bed, So was this Devil's Dayout or Devils Destruction? For me latter one sounds better, may be for millions like me who might have hit the sinister out of their way. This is the day I quit smoking, Jesus!!! Indeed u destroyed antichrist in me. May in this viewpoint your "06/06/06"is true. Hope U might have did the same with millions like me. Thanks.

My Tryst with butts started something like this, First Puff- Out of curiousity!!!Second puff - Lets see wtf this cig is? Now starts 3,4,5, 6 Puffs to half a cigarette, half cigarette to full, one to two, two -to many ....Now for everything I needed cigarette, from exploration to fun, fun to enjoyment, enjoyment to addiction, now she has started to give me euphoric effects....covet for cigarette surged and I made nexus with 88mm cellulose acetate butted seductive slender stick. Thank god I did broke up relation !! though in tougher way, but have no regrets. So you might be exclaimed "what might be reason to leave cigarette?"

Buddies you don't need a reason to leave a cigarette, when u dint have reason to start???.R u waiting for ur parents to catch u while u fag? R u waiting for getting married to leave cigarette? R u waiting for some magical moments which great ppl encountered and u also waiting for ? R u waiting for grade change to leave cigarette? R u waiting for visit to temple of your faith to leave cig? R u waiting for magical wand to touch your head?R u waiting for anniversaries to come? R u waiting for new year to make resolutions? If u r waiting for sch things then u r a fool, coz I was also fooled by such myths. That will never happen dudes, those dayz will also be like any other dayz.even if that happen you will never quit. The day u quit smoking is day of magic for u, itz historical day for u!!!so dont wait for any other spl day....Simple theory is to "I have started it for fun, and now am leaving it for more fun" This works believe me!!! I am not here to boast abt myself for any deed, I am just humbly requesting my x-fraternity to quit smoking. Wake up with cigarette Sleep after a cigarette To brush u need cigarette To squat u need cigarette after breakfast u need cigarette, after lunch u need cigarette u need it when u r angry u need it when u r happy, You want to cherish success with cigarette You want to forget failure with cigarette Awesome u feel when u smoke and make a love Great u feel when u make a love and smoke If you find friend you need cigarette If you lost friend you need cigarette Hymn the rhyme by replacing "need" to "dont need" See How you feel. I bet, Great Indeed!!!! Feel the song from bottom of your heart just "dont need " in place.That would be simple MANTRA

Guyz!!! This is not article to articulate my art of archaism. Its just kindaa request in you to come out of this maddened menace!!

Lets believe in one truth "Mother Nature has given us healthy air to breathe, let us not try to extra breathe(Smoke)".

Figure shown above is pblished by "Cancer society of Finland" If u look in close up the whole layout is made of cigarette buts

Great Escape - But not from haunting memories

Weekend!!! i was just rejuvenating myself for all the fun i am gonna have for next two days.I planed to visit my hometown, My friend though strongly insisted me to stay back for some weird reasons.I just ignored him in excitaion.As i was i already late i jumped compound to catch the auto to bus stand.It was 11 in the night when i made it to busstand

I was waiting restlessly for the bus. No bus turned up for two hours may be because next day was "UGADI", So most of buses were jam-packed.Finally i was happy to see man shouting "Davanegere".I finally felt relieved. Bus was old, not in condition, no proper seats. Nothing in bus was seems to be good even then i couldnt resist to wait for other bus.I just got on the bus.Suddenly bus driver and conductor started quarrelling, One of my co-passenger told that they were in dispute about the destination city.Conductor insisted that "bus should go towards shimoga" but in contridiction driver urged to take the bus towards "Davanagere".It was already half an hour passed when they halted their fight, and decided to drive bus towards Davanagere.Now It was already 2:00 clock in night. I felt "Today, Not my day!!!" still felt happy that i was going home.i was tired,so felt very sleepy. i dont know when went to sleep....

April's Dungeon-dark midnight,High-way under construction!vehicles hauling carelessly on the highway, everyone in bus were just slipped to a deep sleep, no one in the bus bothered to see movie running in TV.I could feel rhythemic sound of bus engine!!! some times even in sleep we feel somethings..Sudden thud broke out the sleep of passengers in the bus.suddenly when i opened my eyes."Oh my god devils' playground"i was horrified to see the headlessvbodies on the other sides of the bus.Just in a wink of time,bus appeared to be human slaughter house.I was motionless,words stucked in my choked mouth.for a moment my i even transcended the state of trauma.I couldnt help myself to get out of my seat!!! i can remember i was just hearing some monotonous moaning of co-passengers.I couldnt even able to help casualties, just was under mental coma.TV was still On, playing song "feel my love" was this sound from GOD??It took almost 2 hrs, to get back to my senses and then i realised that our bus encountered brutal accident.Sun had already spread first light to the world -just dawn time.our bus was hit badly by another bus at the place where four-lane highway narrowed to two lanes.few co-passenger's body were mutilated.Mother and baby in womb both were dead.I dint even knew how many were victimised untill i saw newspaper in the morning- 6 dead , 20 injured .Did almighty himself directed bus driver to be a butcher?I never felt execused for that misshap. though mind debates "i was lucky" but my heart pounded in deep mourn for innocent co-passengers.Tyranny of speed made evrything around to look like a graveyard.Is that spot was deception point drawn by gods of death?From some corner of my heart came a voice "God cannot be immaculate!!".

I had to travel further from Davanagere to village near Bellary. i was sitting in Davanagere bus stand . Everything around in bus stand was so busy, noisy and people were busy getting on to buses/ getting down from buses. I was silent, though my eyes were seeing all this, but my mind remained sedative.Only thoughts bugging me were... Could this event be abandoned in the court of lord? Could this disaster be avoided if I could have listened to my friend's advice? Might my seat would be accupied by some other person who is now completed his life's journey untimely. What if, conductor and driver dint quarrel for half an hour? May be encounter to lethal bus wouldn't have been happened. What if, Driver & conductor decided to change the destination of the bus to shimoga? What if, high way work was over? What if, other bus which hit us could be lil late?

Is this coincidence? Can human beings manipulate time? Noooooo!!! This is God loomed web of mysteries, events,calculations, timelines ...Who is responsible here??? who shall be convicted?If humans are punished for their sins, what about the baby in womb?How baby in womb can do the sins before even entering into the world? How Can baby be punished?

Engima? Still I couldnt crack it...

Courtesy :Narration by Channa (My colleague/good friend) . This is written on the bases of his narration. he is the one of the passenger of that bus.

First Bencher's Ignore It!!!

One more from my cerebrum-shelf. Some bad sectors in my memory,so please bear with me for Missing charecters in the mission. Mission name: BBS - Blue-Book Stuffing!!! History: Sounds weird!!! If u are engineering grad then definitely not feel so, may first benchers are not aware of it. Hmmm"Internals",engineers hate them, disastrous than terrorist attacks!!!menace inevitable, if u r<15 (avg=" 15). then u r cursed by god n godess of VTU. We cannot get the hit the target by reading books (TRIKAL SATYA), we can only do this by writing into books!!! Surprised!!!Writing into blue books(Bluebooks- internal assessment booklet). Mission Impossible announced!!!- First two internal screwed up. Tagline : You know answers, You don't know questions. Plot Outline: Third internals dates are announced, Only chance to hit the target average(i.e)15.veteran technicians gets involved in the mission to solve the mystery. Cast overview. Kenchya : Mission head - examination expert,loop-hole finder, escape specialist. manjya/Bossya : Feasibility evaluators - How feasible is the mission? Runtime decision makers. Venya/Mintu: Guess masters - Busy guessing questions We trust their punctual sixth sense. Hibernated minds now in extinct. goud: human microsoft-word - precise indentation, sexy fonts, right underlines...calligraphy guru, his blue book best book for CTRL+C and CTRL+V. Pachya: APS(Answer positioning system) - Vivekanand's predecessor i guess In few page turns he could spot the answers. Abhay and Others: Technical, emotional and moral support. Execution: Question paper leaked!!!- BEC-NEWS broadcast. But sorry? Our feasibility evaluators declared it as just a rumour,Last hope lost in dusts so mission impossible was inevitable. Restless guess masters on job now, Mintu and Venya proposed few expected questions(I believe this is most critical step of our mission) on the basis of their incredible statistics, and just woke-up sixth mind. Rest of comrades relied on their guesses. We short listed questions which we are really gonna stuff in blue books in Few minutes of WAR meeting.Now our APS has switched on his navigation system. Answers spotted and reported to Goud.Half work done...."Guys Time for fag" shouted guy in our team. Post break mission, Goud delivered answers ready in his blue books. Now its time for rest of us to start our tasks CTRL+C and CTRL+V.Just final words of caution from our mission head "GUYS DON’T WRITE QUESTION NUMBERS NOW. Write the relevent question numbers while test is ON." Mission declared success: Internals over !!!! 30 blue books, each containing set of set of six answers , so 30 sets "EQUIVALENT ANSWERS" .I bet no word-differentiators in the world can find single deviations among the thirty books. I wonder how could our lectures did find difference!!!!!!!!(i am still wondering). So Finally 30 bluebooks(I say "Engineers' Magic wands") were able hipnotize our lectureres even on the relvency of questions to preinternals written answers(lecturers mind found them 99% relvency atleast????).Impressed lectures graced us with 25/25 or in worst case 24/25(For Jalebi effects in answers papers). This mission rated as one of the most risky mission ever made its way to success. Rated by BEC-CIA(Group of Examination-experts in BEC- Kiran Shivapuji,JP,etc...). Now for you readers!!! Don't you think we were most deserved students to become great engineers!!!!

PRIDE MACHINE - flying on college roads(pachya's scooter)

NOTE: "She" is referred here to scooter All the characters in this story are "TRUE", any resemblance to "FICTION" is purely coincidental.Frens please don’t feel offended, just fall in beauty of renaissance Though "old model dubba Dakota" as everybody used nag abt the only hope of transport (to girls hostels, to parties, to exams, to class rooms, project works, to labs) for band of unorthodox engineers called "mavericks". Just few words to describe her, Her father Bajaj named her PRIYA, she was old, sagging chins, fat but still bony, tanned skin (u knw pachya never bothered to get her cosmetics, neither took her to beautician(mechanic)). Though physically worn-out, she was stable,resilient,and patient….I say much better word is "JAWARI (Indigenous breed)". The few things which I cant stop admiring about that freaky machine are. 1.She never complained about half, some time even empty tummy(reserve always), I guess she celebrated her days when she was full tank, but I think it never happened. 2.The load she used to handle in its slog years,might be luckily missed Its "stress testing" when machine was assembled, but these insane engineers never really bother to care about her old age, always stressed with some embarrassing weights(may be one of such embarrassing weight is me.) 3.Some times she used to make her eyes red(kannu kemp madodu) like gang raped helpless girl.due to uncozy behavior of her Owner(s).but she knew she loved her abusers. 4. This machine never got tired, may be more suitable word would be "restless machine" ….hooted along the college roads with pride and majesty, and some times she even used to envy few freaky new age bikes. "Ever running", but always used to stop intensionally infront of AP's house without pachya's consent..(may be to envy her competitor) 5.Few ppl alwys had reason "le pachya project bindingle pls, le LH hogbekle, le PC tarabekle….". Pachya though used to say "petrol illale"..U knw frens... u cant deny them, ultimate victim priya. 6.Though she hates her owner and his brute frens for using her so nastily in her old age, she loved pachya, sundays were always pride -days for pachya as he managed get hero honda, but I always stongly felt that she missed him and his bloody goofy frens.may be jealous like first wife(savathi melina kopa).u knw first wives alwys have apprehension(though I call it as true love) of loosing partners Few people who must owe their sincere thanks to Priya are First is abviously pachya(pride owner of the Priya )…. who always tried to convince his dad for hero honda but end up in traveling on this machine without fuel. Second is buffya(Anil S N)…. might not have got his treatment for legs on time without this scooter. Third is me...I simply loved that machine, coz it sustained my overweight, and nevr complained abt it and only way to console my self I am still SLIM comparatively. Forth is Vaas(Shrinivas R K)….though it was against any college stud to appear before ladies hostel with such vehicle, but cant help it.his sweet-hearts new this is inevitable with vaas Fifth Golla(Abhay Dharwadkar)…this man is really weird brahmin, never stopped complaining abt his scooty (may be sometimes pretending) so pachya's scooter Sixth mr.descent (goud)…always nagged abt some technical problems with this vehicle.he wanted this poor vehicle to fly on the roads(as F16)..but inevitable, got2go..on Seventh Jalebi(Manjya)…He never knew y he need vehicle, but he want it….. may be for party, may be to girls' hostel, may be for his graphics (r)exam. Eighth Chilya(Venugopal). Just wanna show he can cut/gyrate the scooter better than nebody,wanna listen from everybody "Venya scooter bhari hoditanle!!!!" Ninth JP(jaya prakash)…Non-maverick occassional rider, always need fren's vehicle even to cross hostel aisle, so sometimes our priya was victim. There are few other names in the list(bossya,neerya,sweekya,sometimes kenchya.vivekya,deepya, shipya,chandrya…..), but I guess, I no more want to stress my fingers, as usual lazy… Pachya strongly felt she should be replaced, though she doesn’t like it, but she knew "katakondavalu konetanaka ittakondavalu irotanaka" even pachya realised it when all of his prtendeous proposals/requests to his dad got just denied. So she was happy.More interestingly she was like draupadi (may be formally one owner like dharamaraja),had 30+ ruthless hubbies.i think we all miss her, if not all atleast few.. I guess I am eating up my office time…but I always have point to say "I (V) miss her" and "U R IRREPLACEBLE DEAR…"coz after all v r indians though pretend to be modernized,westernised v always love to have typical Indian house wives (patient,persistant,faithful )…..right???